Sometimes they just need the words.

A little flash of insight from the other day:

My son, age 3 -- in a most demanding tone -- calls from behind me: "Dad, put on my shoes!"

My second instinct was to turn to him, and with a stern voice, tell him: "Hey, that's rude, you don't tell daddy what to do -- you're such a little turkey, why can't you be sweet like your sisters?"

Fortunately for me, my first instinct is to not do anything rash because some mistakes can be very hard to fix.

As an adult, I've spent literally thousands of hours interacting with other people and watching others interact with each other. I know what words and phrases imply, and that even slight differences in tone can send very different messages.

My kids on the other hand, even the older ones, are oblivious to most of that. Usually the content they're wanting to convey is perfectly fine -- they just don't know how to say it.

Sometimes they just need the words.

So I turned to my sweet little boy and said, prompting him, "Dad, can you help me get my shoes on please?"

"Oh -- Dad, can you help me get my shoes on please?" he said with a smile, happy to know the right thing to say.

"There's my sweet boy."

=)

Food survey

Click here to take a quick (8-question) anonymous food survey.

Why? My dad and I were talking the other day, theorizing about the effects of controlling the food supply for your kids, so I thought I'd put out a quick survey to see if there's any obvious correlations so I don't inadvertently make life harder on my kids.

It'll give you a link so you can see the results at the end if you're interested.

Getting a new iOS device?

Just a quick tip for anyone getting a new iOS device (iPad, iPhone, iPod Touch) for Christmas:

Everyone in a single family should use the same iTunes Store account (Settings -> iTunes and App Stores), but each individual should have their own iCloud account (Settings -> iCloud).

That ensures that you all get to share the same media (videos, songs and apps), but the separated iCloud accounts lets you each have your own contacts lists, calendars, reminders, etc.

Many people make the mistake of all signing into the same iCloud account and quickly find out that their contacts and calendars, etc., all sync up and make a mess.

The harder problem is if the device is for a child, since the minimum age for iCloud accounts is 13. I can't find any recommendations for this on the net, so my best guess is to lock down the phone with restrictions, limit Safari, iTunes, iBookstore, installing apps, and explicit language -- all with a passcode that only you know. And don't install YouTube, Google Search, Vimeo, and any other video- or web-searching apps. If you want them to be able to watch videos, consider Netflix' "Just for kids", or WeetWoo (an app that's basically a directory of clean YouTube videos). You'll want to monitor your kids carefully too, remember my post about allowing a crippled mind to poison itself? Lots of mental and emotional poison on the internet, and people can be pretty awful about discerning it, especially kids.

Merry Christmas!

How to become exceptional

From SuperFreakonomics by Steven D. Levitt and Stephen J. Dubner:

"A lot of people believe there are some inherent limits they were born with," he says. "But there is surprisingly little hard evidence that anyone could attain any kind of exceptional performance without spending a lot of time perfecting it." Or, put another way, expert performers -- whether in soccer or piano playing, surgery or computer programming -- are nearly always made, not born.

And yes, just as your grandmother always told you, practice does make perfect. But not just willy-nilly practice. Mastery arrives through what Ericsson calls "deliberate practice." This entails more than simply playing a C-minor scale a hundred times or hitting tennis serves until your shoulder pops out of its socket. Deliberate practice has three key components: setting specific goals; obtaining immediate feedback; and concentrating as much on technique as on outcome.

The people who become excellent at a given thing aren't necessarily the same ones who seemed to be "gifted" at a young age. This suggests that when it comes to choosing a life path, people should do what they love -- yes, your nana told you this too -- because if you don't love what you're doing, you are unlikely to work hard enough to get very good at it.

I'm not sure how this applies to little kids, they have no idea what they love. A wise person recently told me, "Kids tend to like things they're good at."

Those last two paragraphs sound contradictory, but I have a feeling they're just true at different times in people's lives.

Crossing the line in new and surprising ways

A few weeks back I thought I heard offer this quote during a lesson, but nobody remembers it being said or saying it, and I can't find it anywhere on the internet (which knows everything, right?).

Still, worth sharing:

If you set the example to your kids that it's okay to cross the line, they'll cross it in ways that are new and surprising to you.

Drowning doesn't look like drowning

Parents, don't miss this.

(via DF, of course.)

Discovery Middle School shooting

The real story is starting to come out, and it lines up well with what the kids at the school have been saying (I know two of them).

What a sad story -- group of middle class, middle school kids join one of the LA gangs over the internet, one wants out, which necessitates a just-short-of-fatal pummeling, so when he's threatened with it he opts to take out the one making the threats.

I think just being part of one of those gangs should be a crime, and the whole group should be punished for that (maybe it already is, I don't know). But once you're in that situation -- where you're told you're going to be almost fatally pounded for getting out of the gang -- what should he have done?

With the mind of a 35-year old guy, I'd probably tell my parents and go to the police, change my name, and hope that we'd move out of state, then carry pepper spray (or an air horn or something) around in case they ever cornered me. I doubt they could, though, since I'd probably never leave the house.

But can we really expect a 14-year old to think like a 35-year old adult? Maybe that was really the result of his best thinking.

I have to go back to what John Holman told me years ago when we found out just how bad someone else's life had become, roughly quoted: "But it's never just one bad decision that ruins someone's life -- it's a series of bad decisions, every day going down those same lame paths instead of waking up and deciding, every day, to make today different and better."

This kid didn't wake up one morning and find himself a member of a gang -- I'm sure he lied awake in bed more than one night thinking about whether he should do it. And it's those times when we're all alone and deciding what to do that make all the difference.

Camping joy

That title is admittedly part sarcasm.

For those who expected me to do other things Friday and Saturday, here's a quick rundown of what was supposed to be a simple overnight campout. The rest of you can skip to the end -- the middle is mostly complaining. =)

• Review girls' packing job; Kennedy has packed 6 pairs of socks, and no pants.


• Vacuum out the van, looks like a vending machine exploded in there.


• Get the van loaded.


• Discover the battery is dead (girls left the van dome light on)


• Van won't shift out of park without battery power, so I have to pull the battery completely out of the truck to take it in and jumpstart the van.


• Van radio requires you to enter a code after a power outage or it won't work; the code is filed away the basement.


• Usual stops at Walmart, gas station, McDonalds...


• GPS unit says my 2.5 hour trip will take 4 hours (?!); how does it know I have kids? Finally get on the road 3 hours late.


• 15 minutes later, all 3 kids need to go to the bathroom "NOW!" (45 minutes later, they need to go again, unsurprisingly.)


• Why does TomTom send me the wrong way in EVERY state park? Seriously, it's 0 for 3 so far.


• Campground is nice, play for awhile, roast hot dogs and marshmallows, had a nice evening.


• Getting cold, time for bed! Uh, oh, really cold...


• Uh, oh again. Did we pack a binkie for Kennedy? Of course not.


• Spend about 2 hours trying to keep Kennedy from waking the whole campground with her crying about being too cold (despite kicking off the covers) -- I'm pretty sure she mostly just wants her binkie.


• It's getting colder, I can't move because I'll wake up Kennedy, and I can feel the cold pushing up through my hips. Not good.


• About 1:30 am I give up -- cover the girls with the 2 adult sleeping bags to keep them warm, and get up.


• What do I do? Go turn on the van and sit in there with the heater on for 6 hours? So I go and rouse the fire with little sticks (and a firestarter =).


• 20 minutes later Eric comes out of his tent in the same boat, so we get the fire going. Eric: "Old indian saying, 'Indian stay warm tending little fire, white man stay warm finding wood for big fire.'"


• An hour later, we hear rustling behind us -- "Something's over there," I whisper, but we don't have flashlights. I finally go get one, and shine it off toward the table. What do I see? A giant raccoon finishing off my lunch! "Hey, get outta here..." Ah, I forgot to put all the food away trying to keep Kennedy quieted down. He comes back a few times, but since we put the food away he didn't find much.


• About 4 am Regan comes out and wants to sit by the fire too.


• About an hour later, Kennedy's up and crying. Woken up, Scott and Jill offer to let her sleep in their tent by their space heater (!!), but after setting up a bag, her crying has woken up Scott and Jill's kids, yet she refuses to sleep there -- grr. She wants to come sit by the fire. Glad she woke everyone up.


• Fortunately both Regan and Kennedy get to see Swiper the Raccoon poking around behind us a couple times.


• About 7 am I finally fall asleep slouched back in the camp chair, sleep for maybe 45 minutes. McKinley appears around this time, she seems to have slept fine.


• After a slow start, we finally head to Fall Creek Falls (pretty), then on to Piney Creek Falls, which were much more impressive.

Actually, the area under the suspension bridge at Piney Falls is one of the prettiest places I've seen out here. Fast and beautifully clear water near a pretty little rhododendron forest. (I'll post a picture here soon.)

The drive back? TomTom messes up getting us out of the park ("so we're supposed to ram the gate into the youth camp?"), and if Regan hadn't specifically prayed for me to not crash, I'm pretty sure I would've. At one point I'm sure I would've failed a sobriety test, so I pulled over and took a nap. Why don't they make the seats in cars more sleep-friendly?

So, apologies for being MIA over the weekend. Hope your weekend yielded more sleep than mine. =)

Slow Dance

David L. Weatherford:

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids
On a merry-go-round?

Or listened to the rain
Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.
The music won't last.

Do you run through each day
On the fly?

When you ask: How are you?
Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done,
do you lie in your bed

With the next hundred chores
Running through your head?

You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.
The music won't last.

Ever told your child,
We'll do it tomorrow?

And in your haste,
Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,
Let a good friendship die

Cause you never had time
To call and say, "Hi "?

You'd better slow down.
Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.
The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift thrown away.

Life is not a race.
Do take it slower.

Hear the music
Before the song is over.

President's address to the kids?

There's a lot of uproar around here about President Obama's upcoming televised speech to the kids in schools.

What do you think? Should parents keep their kids home that day?

Crayons on an LCD TV?

Ah, the joys of having a 3 year old.

I tried the "soft cloth, water, and mild soap" that Sony recommends, but it did nothing.

Crayola has whole document on cleaning crayons and other of their products off of things. They recommend WD-40 for cleaning crayons off of plastics.

So I tried it lightly in a small spot in the corner, and it seemed to worked great, so I went for it. Sprayed it on one of those Viva cloth-like paper-towels (since I didn't have any other soft cloths around), then lightly wiped over (and up off) the surface. The crayon seemed to dissolve almost on contact.

There was a slight residue left, so I used water and the Viva towel to dampen it, then a dry one to dry it. To my eyes it looks great.

Of course YMMV. (i.e. don't blame me if you try it and it messes something up! =) Hope that helps somebody.

Kenneth Cope, and music for kids

A couple weeks back Kenneth Cope happened to be coming through Huntsville and accepted the invitation to come and talk and sing at our church in Madison.

I wasn't even really sure who he was when they made the announcement, but I decided to go when I realized that he wrote and sings a few of my favorite LDS songs, such as "Once Upon a Time", a song about miracles in the scriptures. Or "Brothers", a song about Joseph Smith and his ever-faithful brother Hyrum, who Joseph begged not to follow him back to Carthage where he knew he was soon to be killed, but who would not leave his brother's side.

Kenneth was also going to do a "fireside" for the youth as well, but that was cancelled. Unfortunately many inferred from the wording of the cancellation that *all* of his presentations were cancelled, so when we arrived, there was almost no one there -- just the Bishop and his wife, Kenneth, and one other member.

At 15 minutes before it was to start, I got up to use the restroom, but as I got up I saw Kenneth in the back, and he seemed to think I got up to go talk to him, so I walked up and introduced myself. He's a very friendly, happy guy (a former bishop, too), and I chatted with him for a few minutes.

So here's why I'm writing this post...

In talking to him, I asked him if his kids were interested in music, and how he fostered that interest. He said that all 3 enjoyed playing instruments, and the key was just making it fun for them. "Find music they like, and they'll want to learn to play it."

It sounds obvious that people do things they find fun, but like most parents I tend to default toward the mindset that the kids should be doing the things we tell them to. Fun? What does that have to do with anything?

But I didn't really get into piano until it became fun, i.e. when I got a book of Enya sheet music. I hated most of the music I had to play in my early lessons. Similarly, I loved soccer as a kid because I had only ever played it for fun. Baseball, on the other hand, was a serious sport according to my coach, and fun wasn't the point. Come to think of it, whether I enjoyed something depended a lot on the attitude of the guy (or gal) in charge.

And when it comes to my girls, I'm the guy in charge.

---

His presentation was excellent, by the way, very spiritual. Not many dry eyes at the end. Curiously he mentioned my name during one of the songs, basically complimenting my smile -- the downside of being complimented for something is that you end up putting in extra effort to live up to it!

Easter bunny

I found this on the counter this morning:

I'd like to know the answers to these questions too. =)

Some sweet moves

McKinley quote of the day

Today at lunch:

Me: "McKinley, where did this chicken nugget come from?"

McKinley: "Um, they cut up dead pigs and find the chicken in it?"

Wow, the pig is an even more magical animal than I thought. =)

"'I cannot go to school today,' said little Peggy Ann McKay."

My attempt at Photoshop art

Regan's got an abscessed tooth that's going to get a crown Monday. Ouch.

I remember how bad it hurt when I had 4 dry-sockets after getting my wisdom teeth out. It's like each tooth individually pulling out a giant Taser and firing it through your eyeballs and into the inside of your skull -- and holding down the trigger.

So she's been on Tylenol (with Codeine?!) (whenever she'll take it), and anti-biotics.

(Any grade school kids actually like school?)

As a sidenote, Regan's not terribly fond of school at the moment. I don't remember *ever* being fond of school, but something about you hopes that your kids will like it. It's that same "something" that hopes maybe they'll get a college scholarship from the 1st grade.

(Most of our behaviors are a result of positive feedback, maybe we just need to give her more positive feedback on her work.)

(Generous, or "buying" friends?)

As another sidenote, last week I traded her all of her remaining Halloween candy for a $10 toy at Target. She then took it to school (without us knowing) and came home that night wanting us to take her to Target so she could buy herself another one, since she "left it" in her desk. After some prodding, though, she finally admitted that she'd given it away to one of her classmates.

Yeah, she took a credibility hit on that one.

School? My tooth hurts!

Whenever the topic of school is not being discussed, she seems in pretty good spirits.

So with all that in perspective, this morning she comes with a long face:

"Regan, get your shoes on, you've got school."

"Ohhh, my tooth hurts!"

Do I believe that?? Is that enough to stay home from school?

"Okay, if you're going to stay home, you have to stay in bed. As soon as you get out of bed, you have to go to school."

I figure if the tooth really does hurt, staying in bed is better than school. If it doesn't, going to school should be beter than staying in bed... Hope it works.

What do you think?

How do you decide when your kids get to stay home from school?

And when they do have to go, what do you do when they collapse on the floor and refuse to move?

---

I'm convinced one of the greatest skills a parent can have is the ability to motivate their kids to do stuff. I suppose "fear of punishment" is one way, but I've seen better ways...

"Ew, this tastes like medicine"

My kids are so funny -- last night Kyla made some Kool-aid, which turned out to be the first time my kids had ever had it. I guess I'm not really sure how that happened.

Anyway, our eldest (who wanted to remain nameless), said, "Ew, this tastes like medicine!"

Medicine?!

?!

Recap: kids are used to drinking water --> giant pitcher-man makes a fortune busting down walls and selling dry food coloring that you add to kids' water (along with a ton of sugar) --> kids like kool-aid better than water --> make yucky medicine taste like kool-aid so kids will take it.

Now my daughter who's had medicine but no kool-aid thinks the kool-aid is gross!

Hilarious, I guess we need potato-chip-flavored medicine now.

Another classic line

Tomorrow McKinley is giving a talk in Primary (the church class for the little ones), so in preparing I usually sit down with them and write down what they say when I ask them questions about the subject. Her talk tomorrow is about Heavenly Father hearing and answering our prayers.

McKinley is hilarious:

Me: "What does it sound like when Heavenly Father talks to us?" (hoping I'd get a better answer than I got the other day)

McKinley: "Sometimes, you can hear birds -- because birds are up in heaven -- except they’re nice, and they don’t peck us."

Ever feel like you're not getting through to your kids?

Coconut, right?

Kinney today, pointing at her teeth:

"The stuff between your teeth is called coconut, right Dad?"

Last week:

Me: "Hey girls, how do we know when the Spirit is talking to us?"

Regan: "We feel good inside -- and happy."

Me: "Kinney?"

Kinney: "Um -- we hear beeping."