Comedians

I can't stand crass comedians, they remind me of zoo monkeys flinging "stuff" at the onlookers. Despite the fact that everybody's laughing, they're still nervously shifting in their seats...

Anyway, Seinfeld is a favorite, as his "crass-quotient" -- the ratio of crass jokes to non-crass jokes -- is quite low. Kyla and I went to see him in Tucson, and those were some of the best $60 tickets I ever bought. I think only one or two jokes out of probably 150 were crass. 1% is amazing these days. We loved it...

Bob Newhart, on the other hand, I think is essentially a 0%. I've never heard anything crass out of him -- but he's not funny at all. I know when I'm supposed to laugh, it's just too much effort.

Now that we have cable, however, a new favorite is arising:



Stephen's probably 4-5%, but still impressive for these days. And, he's hilarious, my biggest risk for a hernia these days. Clap, clap, point, point. =)

Pictures from my trip to Japan

Enjoy these pictures from my trip to Japan last week.

I wish I'd gotten a picture of a sticker on a door of a cartoon guy getting his thumb snapped by a giant crab. "What's that?" I asked the other folks with us. "Watch out for crabs?"

"No, don't get your fingers stuck in the door."

Oh...uh. So why the giant crab again? And are there a good number of folks so unfamiliar with doors that they need this reminder?

I loved the trip, by the way, more later on it.

"Their own erroneous and stereotypical image..."

"It is one of the ironies of religious history that many mortals err in their understanding of the nature of God and end up rejecting not the real God but their own erroneous and stereotypical image of God." - Neal A. Maxwell, Sermons Not Spoken, p. 17.

*Much* better half

Once a year in February, my dear sweet wife heads off to the annual "Sisters Reunion", where she and her 6 sisters flee from husbands and kids and life in general and hang out. As far as I can tell they mostly just pretend they're teenagers again, which we could all stand to do a little more often. The trip is sacrosanct, it's not up for debate or dispute, and somehow they all manage to align schedules and gather enough money to make it happen. That's not a small miracle, considering the number of people involved -- amazing how certain things just happen.

What also happens about this time every year is that I get a rude awakening as to what my wife's life entails. It was hard last year, now I'm running a small 24-hr preschool. This year before we even started we learned that all 3 kids have ear infections. Then, the first night Regan threw up in her bed (not a little, either), and Kendy was up periodically crying while Kinney had a fever. Since then it's been better, but whenever I'm not directly overseeing them, they're meandering around.

I have a new metric for describing my children: MTTFM. That's "mean time to food mess", how long on average do I have of non-direct supervision before one of them has made a mess with some sort of food product. Right now, that figure is somewhere between 5 and 10 minutes -- not enough to get going on any serious project. Kinney with the grapes, Kendy with the whole wheat (?), Regan with the cheez-its, etc.

So it's on. Am I keeping the house clean? Not really. Am I buying food, or getting exercise, or doing laundry? My dear sweet wife has figured out how most of the time to do all of those things, keep the kids on track, and maintain some degree of sanity. Nice. What a great lady.

Junk mail rebellion

I just realized how much junk mail solicitations I get. Seems like every day someone like the "National Information Center" wants me to buy insurance for my mortgage or get a new credit card or to contribute to Bill Gates' retirement fund.

So I figured out how to get back at those irritating companies. See, each solicitation comes with a "No postage necessary..." envelope that I'm supposed to put my application in to mail back. But I don't. I shred the application, then seal up the blank envelope and throw it back in the mail, no application or writing on it.

Why? So they have to pay return postage! If everybody did that, their mail costs would double, and their processing costs would go way up too for having to open them all. Take that, "National Information Center"!

I'm sure someone will say -- "Hey, why don't you start squeezing 6 oz worth of discarded butter stick wrappers and used toothpicks in there? Their mailing costs will be huge!" Good idea, but I'm not that mean, and I don't have that many discarded butter stick wrappers.

President Gordon B. Hinckley dies

One of the greatest men to live in our day.

I'm not sad, really. Until you die, your story's not over -- the race is still on, and there are plenty of hurdles ahead, likely to wipe out many of the early leaders, and give those looking for their second-wind a chance to find it.

But President Hinckley is like the Olympic hurdler who in the Final race is a full half-track ahead of the next guy, but with a few hurdles still separating him from the finish line. Him passing away is like clearing that last hurdle and heading for the finish. The soul swells just to watch as a true champion takes the ultimate crown, and in a way to have been there to see it.

What we can deduce about Mitt

According to wikipedia Mitt Romney was once a bishop and a stake president in the LDS (Mormon) church.

"So what?", you ask?

Quick background -- a bishop is the leader of a congregation (ward), and the stake president is the leader of a group of wards called a stake. Nearly all issues faced by members of the church are dealt with at the ward or stake level.

A few months back I was sitting in a bishopric training meeting where someone from the LDS Family Resources center was giving a presentation on addiction recovery and support. The lady mentioned that they had encountered all kinds of people dealing with pornography addiction, including bishops, high counselors, etc. -- everyone, that is, except patriarchs, and stake presidents. I immediately understood that the position of stake president is unique -- that the caliber of person called into that role is much higher than your average church member. It also lines up with my experience with stake presidents.

Note, Mitt didn't run for the office of stake president -- in fact, anybody lobbying for a position like that is more likely to have their sanity called into question than get it. Neither stake presidents nor bishops get paid, and their workload is tremendous!

His story sounds good, but I wasn't ready to believe that Mitt was sincere until I found that out.

More facts for those who don't know:

• Stake presidents serve from 8 to 12 years -- Mitt served for 9.
• They likely spend 12-20 hours a week on stake business
• They oversee and work closely with dozens of the best individuals in the church in the area, interacting regularly with sharp, dedicated men and women who've managed to get their lives in order and keep them there for years and years -- then, they regularly go to trainings with church leaders, an impressive group, to learn directly from them
  
• Bishops and stake presidents are called to hear confessions of people who have committed serious sins -- they spend hours and hours with individuals pouring out their hearts -- listening to things that normal people never get to hear -- people being fully honest about their innermost weaknesses and sins. Mitt has been in this role for probably 15 years! He knows what goes on in the hearts of men, and I bet he knows more about how to read individuals than any of the other candidates, just based on that alone.
• Bishops and stake presidents oversee an organization that's the most perfect of any one I know -- that oversees dozens of ongoing activities and group structures, that takes care of the individuals and the group at the same time. He's been at least indirectly responsible for the religious instruction and care of toddlers, children, scouts, young men and women, young adults, adults, all the way up to the elderly. He probably feels as comfortable teaching a group of 18-month old kids about sharing as he does playing basketball with the old guys. He's been a part of an organization that really works from top to bottom.
  

I could be wrong of course, but all we have on a person is what they've been and done, and his record, both in church and in politics, is quite impressive as far as I'm concerned.